Guess I"ll hit up marriage next...

Do we really each have a soul mate? I mean If you date somebody and break up with them and that was your soul mate is that it? Does that mean you'll never find that one person you are meant to be with till your old wearing depends and pissing off your kids who now have to take care of you. I do know I believe marriage is forever. Even though we now live in a world were somebody could cheat on you via text, twitter, email, facebook, fling.com, and any other social networking sites around. As humans we can open our hearts to loving anyone, wether they are right, wrong, what we need or don't need.

What defines a great marriage? A great huge dream wedding with people you hardly ever talk to and puts you in debt before you even start you new life. A simple wedding with no body but you and your partner there? Doesn't matter what kind of a wedding you had or didn't have. As long as you go in knowing that this is the person your gonna wake up to everyday with hair all fucked up, make up all un done and grouchy on somedays for the rest of your life. Everyday you have to remind your self for better or worse. It's 65% agreeing and 35% disagreeing. Remember the D word is nasty, don't ever toss that out at each other in times of anger.

I've been living this married life for a little over 3 years. It's not perfect because nothing in this world is perfect but it is pretty awesome. I had pre marriage rules set up before I ever met my husband. First of all no marrying somebody you considered a best friend. I tell my best friend when I'm on my period and other very girly things that men know nothing about. Things that could gross out a guy you want to be intimate with. My second biggest was no guys with kids because I didn't want baby mama drama. Of course look at what I ended up getting into. He has two kids with his x and now their custody has been set up finally. When I met him he was still in the divorce process. We have had our ups and downs most of the downs have always had something to do with his past. But we keep moving forward remembering that we are married, love each other way too much, hace a hard time being apart, share a beautiful 3 year old daughter and actually do want to grow old together. Personally I'm pretty sure he will rock a hearing aid, be even more blinder then he already is, will for sure use a walker or cane. I'm hoping cane though lol. Will drive me absolutely insane because he will probably get lost a lot, fall more often then he already does and be so much more stubborn and forgetful then he already is. But that's ok because I can picture the old him in my mind. If you can't picture yourself and your partner old then you many want to search a little more. In the 2 other long term relationships I had been in I could never picture the older them.

I do believe sometimes marriage isn't for everybody. For along time I thought maybe it wasn't for me. Especially after I felt so let down by what I had been through when I was younger. I'm thankful I have my husband and that he's around to make me laugh cheer me up, drive me nuts and kiss me. I read on yahoo once that if you ever become so upset with your spouse to write their eulogy and that if it tears you up and makes you realize how much pain losing them would bring then you know you still love them. You must always remember a relationship is work, lots and lots of hard work that you both must do and keep it up because if only one works at it and the other doesn't then your wasting your time. You gotta suck up your pride sometimes when you are wrong. Of course you must compromise almost all the time and don't go to bed mad at each other. Remember none of that you sleep on the couch bullshit. If you know what ticks of your spouse don't do it. Be honest, if you spent 5 bucks admit it because the bank and receipts tell no lies. Always do your best to keep your spouse and yourself happy. Talk it out don't fight it out. Help each other always.

Number 5 off my to do list. The BFF's

Who said you can only have 1 bff? I have more then one. I have 2. And no one isnt my husband. Why does everyone say you have to marry your best friend? I think that is completely incorrect. I love my till death do us part man but its not the same relationship i have with my bffs. These 2 are freaking awesome! No I'm not sayin my hub isn't but it's just a different relationship friendship. I wanna cuddle and grow old with the hub. I wanna grow old and have my bffs around but I don't wanna cuddle with them. Haha! Anyways enough of that. Back to the bff's , Judy and Norma. Girls I love you more then you will ever know. Even though I'm 4 hours away I miss you both everyday.


When I was in second grade at Liggett elem I had a friend named Elizabeth, she introduced me to a girl named Judy. We didn't really hit it off at first. But then once we discovered that our moms went to the same church group every Tuesday we became friends. We would hang out together in the church outside lunch area while our moms prayed inside at the church group. Some weeks she wouldn't go and I remember being so bummed and bored without her. Years went by and once it came time for me to pick a middle school to go to I picked Holmes in Northridge because that's where Judy went. I didn't know anybody else but Judy my first day there since all my friends from the elementary school I went in Sylmar (I left Liggett in 3rd grade) went to other middle schools. I remember being so sad when I got stuck in all honors classes and found out I had not one single class with Judy. I went to the school counselor and lied and said that honors was way to hard and had them transfer me so I could have a chance of having a class with Judy. I think that semester we ended up with computer class and p.e together. Middle school was a trip together for sure. I was more a KROQ girl and Judy was more a Power 106 girl. The first time I ditched school was with Judy...shhhh don't tell my mom. Ditching was one thing she never caught me doing no need to tell her now..lol. We would spend hours on the phone together, anyone remember 3 way calling? When we would go to church retreats we always had a blast. Remember when we got lost in Whitter? Good times. Our times at the church fair were always fun. The sleep overs we had were the best. We should have a sleep over soon by the way. You down? High school had it's good times too. We had English class together and there was never a boring day. I miss all our talks and all the good laughs and scares we ever had. I'm sorry for the time me and April made you sit in the middle of the truck. Lol. I miss her all the time especially now that we have kids i wish we lived close to each other so they could all be friends. By the near end of 10th grade we parted ways. I decided to take independent studies since my dad had moved to Vegas first I figured it was best so my mom wouldn't have to worry about dropping me off to school everyday. Plus I had also heard that doing independent studies was faster and it was I finished a semester by April instead of June. Sometimes I think we would both just love to have one more day of high school or Middle school together.


When I was 14 I started dating the father of my son. He came from a big family that was different then my lil family. One of his sisters Norma became my best friend. It wasn't right away. But as I started coming around more we became closer. While I took independent studies I had a lot of free time which I spent with Norma. I would go over and go to the cemetery with her to visit her mom and just talk about life and have lunch. Now on the most stressful days I just wanna drive to the cemetery and meet her there. Once I became pregnant with my son she was there for me all the time. Being that I couldn't drive and my parents had moved to Vegas by then she would take me to my Doc appts when her brother couldn't. She would take me to school too. When ever I had craving and her insensitive brother didn't care much she would make sure I had it. She makes the best ceviche ever. I learned a lot of things from her. She is like a big sister to me. We tell each other everything. Her coffee is way better then any starbucks coffee. Plus good conversation doesn't come with starbucks coffee. She taught me lots of things on how to be good mother. I'll never be as good as her but I try. Even after I spilt from her brother she never judged me or treated me bad. She's been wonderful with my daughter Mia who isn't her blood niece but will grow up calling her Tia Norma and she been excepting of my nerdy clumsy husband. I wish she lived down the hall like she use to when I was pregnant with Bryan. She gave me the courage to have Bryan with out a epideral. Lol ouch. She called me today and I wish I could have been there for her to give her a big huge hug because she needed it.


To my 2 bff's I would love for both of you to please move to Vegas. Please!

If I could I would tell you fuck you in your face.

Dear little angry old man,


You need to act your fucking age. Yes act like that 50 something that you are. Not like your 10. It's fucking annoying. My 10 yr old acts better then you. I would love for my daughter to meet you but since you have a creepy bipolar attitude with all your fuck yous, I hope you get hurt and other bad things you wish upon people it's best if she doesn't meet you. It seriously makes me sick that you would even treat your boys the way you do. They are all you have in this world. All your money and stupid charity work you do isn't going to take care of you once your time comes to rock depends (old people diapers). Your a miserable amargado viejo cagado. Your kids may have never seen you struggle to pay bills or things like that. But all your fits they have memories of. I would like for you to change I would but I doubt that will ever happen...ever. I hope my daughter never asks about you because I really don't feel like explaining why you have never met her.


Much dislike, your daughter in law


Ps. Stop wearing socks and sandals it's rather gay looking little man and water doesn't cure everything.

Family or loneliness?

I have a family member who is used by her children. Yes we all have family that we rely on sometimes. I rely on my mom babysitting my children. My children love her and they have a relationship I never had the chance to have with my grandmothers who both didn't live in the US. I feel bad for my family member I don't know why she let's her children and grandchildren use her. She's getting older in a few more years somebody will have to probably take care of her and I don't see her selfish kids helping her. They don't help her now why would they later? All they do is ask for things money, money, and more money. They all work but it's never enough she's always having to help them all the time. She's helped buy them homes and other big things. I asked her once why are you helping your kids so much they are soooooo grown up and need to do it on their own if they aren't living with in their means then they need to start, not ask you for money. She told it was because she felt bad for them. It's upsetting to see how much effort and sacrifice she does for these ungrateful brats she keeps funding. She's in a denial of some sort as well. In her eyes her non of them are much need of a psychiatric evaluation or drug users. To her they are are perfect even when they totally disrespect her they are perfect. I hope one day she opens her eyes and notices that it's time to focus on herself and not worry if her 40 something year old child can pay a bill. We all worry about our kids and yes they are our babies but there has to be a line somewhere. When I'm nearing my 70's my kids better be able to lead lives were they can pay to live the lifestyle they pick. If anybody is taking care of anybody I would hope it would be my kids helping me since social security may not be around by then. I think she needs to read this book.

With my 2 extra.

Yes it is summer time and we are at full house status since my husbands 2 kiddos are here for a few more weeks for summer. Last weekend we took a road trip to Cali. Saturday we all went to Six Flags except for our youngest. She went to Disneyland with my sister who is now her favorite person ever for that. Sunday we spent a long day at the beach. Monday we came home. This morning I couldn't think of what to do with all the kids since the hubs was at work till 4 and I wanted to get them out of the house. I thought maybe the movies but then thought there isn't any kids movie out that any of them are dying to see. Chuck E. Cheese came to my mind since I know the step kids never really get to go there. Then I thought what about ice skating. I haven't been in years and years. Probably since I was about 10. My dad use to take me sometimes when we lived in the valley there was a place in North Hollywood. I loved going there. I remember how much I wanted a pair of my very own skates instead of renting the ugly green ones they had at the rink. My dad never got on the ice with me. It's funny because the man taught me to ride a bike, he helped me learn to roller skate, roller blade and he doesn't know how to do any of those things but he helped me learn. I knew enough from roller blading and roller skating to serve on the ice alone. Thank God I never fell. The first time I tired it I did hold on to the side wall but I got the hang of it later and didn't have to any more after. Today when we got to the rink there was a lot of parents out on the ice with their kids. They also had those things kids push and hold on to so they don't fall. It's like a walker for ice skating. I got one to help my 3 yr old go around the rink. My stepson said he had used roller blades before but my step daughter and son didn't have any skating experience at all. It was all 4 kids first time which was great because I have never had the chance of just me doing something with all of them for the very first time. All the kids had fun. They all fell on their asses a few times but I am proud of them because none of them gave up they all kept going till the rink closed. I have decided that I will be taking my son and daughter more often till they do get the hang of skating. I want them to learn and I want to be there to help them along the way. The only thing I missed today was having my dad there to help me tie my laces really really tight. I sure could have used him for that today.

I want a order of Canada, with a order of England and Australia on the side.

Most people who want to travel want to go to places that speak languages other then English. Some want to go to Japan, China, Italy, and France. I on the other hand would rather go to places that speak English as their primary language. Yes I am well aware that I my English will sound strange to Canadians, the Brits and Australians. I'm ok with that. It's much better then attempting to speak a language I totally don't understand.


First I want to go to Canada. The hubs may not be able to go with me on this one but I still wanna go see my friend Andrea and check out Calgary. I also want to try to see how much Canadian alcohol I can consume. Seriously I do, their beer has more alcohol then ours.

England your number 2 on my list. I've heard your cold most of the time and fairly expensive. I still wanna go. I want to wonder London. I want to see a Castle. I want to hear your people talk because I love how they sound. Only thing I'm scared of is the long flight out there. My cousin invited me once but I found out I was pregnant with my daughter a few weeks later so I couldn't go.

Number 3 Australia! Yes I love how a Australian talks. I want to go there and see how it is. I know they have jelly fish infested beaches and that more then half the country is filled with dangerous snakes and who knows what else. I still want to go. But my fear of really long plane flights might get me on this one because this is a really long flight from Vegas.

Adopt me!

Since I was a kid I have always known one thing. Someday I would like to adopt a child. I was always the kid who watched feed the children for hours on the weekends. If not I would watch a show in Spanish about donating money to children who had no food or proper shelter. I think that sparked my adoption idea, I remember wishing I could bring one of the kids home to live with me. Once while in Mexico waiting to go to the airport a child a lil older then me asked my father for taco money and he told us he was poor and had no parents, I remember asking my father to please let him come home with us because I wanted a brother and he had no family. I felt horrible leaving that kid behind. I didn't know him but knowing he had nobody made me who at the time was only 4 feel so bad that he couldn't just come home with us. I didn't know why some kid would be left alone to wonder the dangerous streets on Mexico.  I have 2 kids that I carried and gave birth to. I have 2 I have gained from marriage. My heart has always wanted 3. Yes technically I have 4 but 2 of them only spend about 60 days a year with us. The other 300 they are with their mother. So most of the time it's just my 10 yr old and 3 yr old. My mom had 3 kids, my sister has 3 kids. 3 just seems like a good number, it's not too much and not too little. 

I've only mentioned it to a few people in my life that I would like to adopt. My sons father thought I was insane for wanting to bring a strange child that was not blood into the family. Hmmmmmmmmmm could have to do with a reason why me and him are no longer together. Why is it crazy to want to care for a child who needs a caring loving family? Why get knocked up when their are so many kids out there who need someone? If you think adoption is crazy well then I think your a heartless asswipe. A guy I dated for 2 years thought adoption was a crazy idea too. Now as for my husband we have discussed it. He says he would be fine with adoption but I don't know exactly how much effort he would put towards actually going through with it since he has other goals he wants to focus on. We have looked at the idea of having 1 more child but our daughter is still too young. Sorry I'm the kind of person who wants kids 5 yrs apart. By the time a child is 5 they understand more who that crying baby is that you brought home from the hospital. I don't have a crazy goal of by when I wanna have all my kids. If I have one after 30 no big deal. Truth is I want a little boy though. If I had another child I wouldn't be able to pick the sex. Now if I could adopt I would be able too. 

Here are the problems with adoption though. If you adopt a child from the U.S it's very expensive and no matter how many papers you sign the biological mom could always try to come into the picture. It's also very time consuming and it could take a few years before we even get a child. Thats if we even get approved. Now there is out of country adoption I've looked into that. It's still expensive but the process isn't that long. Only thing is that it would take a few trips to the childs country to get everything organized and sometimes there are hold ups with immigration. 


As for our financial situation we wouldn't be able to afford adoption for a few years. Between the husband paying child support, spending over 2k on plane tickets a year for his kids to fly out here and my sons father avoiding child support like a mutha fucker money gets tight. Thank God we aren't poor poor but we don't exactly have 10k set aside to try to get a adoption process started. This may not be something I will ever get to do in my life but it's something I would love to do if I got the chance. A person I admire very much is a wonderful mother to the child she adopted years ago as a baby and is now a grown successful young man, who has a amazing relationship with her. Maybe one day " si dios quiere " like my mom says, my dream of adoption could happen.