Love is love..

My favorite one is the last one.... it says it all..










Truth

My Thankfulness list for the day.

1. Work wasn't overwhelming busy.


2. One day I'll go with my friend to her hometown. We decided today.


2. My husband was home when I got here.




3. My awesome mom made dinner.


4. Looks like we might get a more affordable health care plan in this home.




5. The Harry Potter project is done...wooo




6. Thinking about my BFF's (Norma &Judy) makes me smile.

What he needs.

The boy needs a few things.

LOVE.




LEGOS.

And PIZZA.





 He also needs to see his father more often. You know that man who gave him his last name but just went a whole year with out seeing him while only living 4 hours away and who hasn't paid a dime in child support since the boy was about 4. Truth is I can work my ass off provide Love, Lego's and pizza but it's still not enough. He will always seek the love and acceptance from the one who gave him his last name and short chubby body frame. Question is will that man ever step up to do the job? My son is a priority not a option.

Keeping it nerdy.

For your safety, your well being and sake. It's best that you stay nerdy and Lego loving. It's best that I don't let you hang out with the kids who already display thug ways. I am referring to the child who almost started a fire and pretended to point a gun at me yesterday as I opened the front door for him (he's a family member). It's best that I put you in karate soon so you can learn self control and anger management now that your young. It's best that you learn to defend yourself from anybody who might try to hurt you because you are nerdy cute with your glasses and Lego loving ways. I watched Beyond Scared Straight and I don't ever want to see you or your sister act like any of those kids on there. I want the best for you. You say you want to be a engineer or something like that. I promise to do my best to guide you in that path. I may piss you off along the way or you may piss me off but it's ok we will work through it and everything will be ok.

It warms my <3

They make me happy, they warm my heart. I am speaking of Atreyu. No I'm not talking about the movie. I'm talking about the band, who has found it's way into my heart. They've become my favorite over these past years. I've had the chance to see them twice and I even have a autograph drum head from them. If you don't listen to them you should. They got me through the lamest 7 months of my life. Everyday I would drive my one hour drive to work with them on super loud singing my ass off preparing my self for another day to survive my long lame 7 months. I don't get tired of them. I can listen to them over and over. From "Lip gloss and black" to "Storm to pass" I love it all. When "Her portrait in black" comes on it gives me chills I love how it starts off so heavy. "Blow" gives me the courage to tell lairs to fuck off! "Bleeding mascara" makes me wanna sing! "Ex's and oh's" makes me wanna dance. I love "The crimson". Below I posted some of my favorite lyrics by them. I had to post all of "Blow" though. It's just for one of those days when you wanna beat a punching bag or somebodies face. I hope they start touring soon. I'm getting my concert fix next month with Weezer but I still wanna see Atreyu again.

Can you feel her
Running through your veins?
She will always live forever**Her portrait in black***



Will you still hold me when you see what I have done?
Will you still kiss me the same when you taste my victim's blood?
So crimson and red, I feel it flowing from your lips (crimson and red)
My heart is dead and so are you**The crimson***

"Look how pretty she is, when she falls down,
Now there is no beauty in, bleeding mascara,
Lip are quivering, like a withering rose" **Bleeding Mascara**



You took me home
I drank too much
'Cause of you my liver turned to dust
Cold rust taste
A cruel creeping cold pain
Do you understand what I mean?
When you feel your soul drop to the floor
Like a hole
Like an open bleeding sore
Then you'll have bled like I bled
And you'll have wept as I've wept

Suck me down, it's time to rock and roll
Let's hit the bar, let's lose control
One false move, you took me home
One false move, you're all alone**Ex's and oh's**









So fuckin' blow those words out the back of your head,
I've heard it all and I'm done with that shit,
You tell me lies, and you get what you get,
so blow those fuckin' words out the back of your head.

Oh my god did you just hear
lies are coming back in style?
Oh my god this seems so real that they find you,
and confine you

So shut your mouth, we've heard it all.
Hypocrite's and critics all
can fuck off we do this for our souls,
our souls.

What they say, won't make us go away.

So fuckin' blow those words out the back of your head,
I've heard it all and I'm done with that shit,
You tell me lies,
and you get what you get,
so blow those fuckin' words out the back of your head.

We're not sorry and we won't conform.
It's not our choice but something inborn.
If we fail followin' are hearts
can you blame us? (No, no, no)

A square peg in a black hole
We don't fit in that's the way it goes.
You should of not thought you're better than us,
no, you're not.
(No, no, no)

What they say, won't make us go away.

So fuckin' blow those words out the back of your head,
I've heard it all and I'm done with that shit,
You tell me lies,
and you get what you get,
so blow those fuckin' words out the back of your head.

So fuckin' blow those words out the back of your head,
I've heard it all and I'm done with that shit,
You tell me lies,
and you get what you get,
so blow those fuckin' words out the back of your head.
(Blow, blow, blow)
Blow those fuckin' words out the back of your head.

Tell yourself yourself you're not alone at all.
(Looking out your window, know you're all alone)
Oh, tell yourself you're not alone at all. (At all)
(Staring out your window, know you're alone)

What they say, won't make us go away.
Go away, go away, go away.

So fuckin' blow those words out the back of your head,
I've heard it all and I'm done with that shit,
You tell me lies,
and you get what you get,
so blow those fuckin' words out the back of your head.

So fuckin' blow those words out the back of your head,
I've heard it all and I'm done with that shit,
You tell me lies,
and you get what you get,
so blow those fuckin' words out the back of your head.
(Blow, blow, blow)
Blow those fuckin' words out the back of your head.
(Of your head, of your head, of your head)
Yea!**Blow***




I know that it's killing me,
and it's poisoning the best of me,
What I see, I don't want to believe.
So let me tell you more, tell you more,
about the lies I lead.**Slow burn***


Watching, waiting
Dreadful, shaking
Will the storm pass over us today?
Will lighting strike our sins away?
Watching, Waiting
Falling, Shaking
Will the storm pass over us today?
Or is the future looking grey?**Storm to pass***

I of course want to get my Atreyu tattoo someday. "Live, Love, Burn, Die"

Guess I"ll hit up marriage next...

Do we really each have a soul mate? I mean If you date somebody and break up with them and that was your soul mate is that it? Does that mean you'll never find that one person you are meant to be with till your old wearing depends and pissing off your kids who now have to take care of you. I do know I believe marriage is forever. Even though we now live in a world were somebody could cheat on you via text, twitter, email, facebook, fling.com, and any other social networking sites around. As humans we can open our hearts to loving anyone, wether they are right, wrong, what we need or don't need.

What defines a great marriage? A great huge dream wedding with people you hardly ever talk to and puts you in debt before you even start you new life. A simple wedding with no body but you and your partner there? Doesn't matter what kind of a wedding you had or didn't have. As long as you go in knowing that this is the person your gonna wake up to everyday with hair all fucked up, make up all un done and grouchy on somedays for the rest of your life. Everyday you have to remind your self for better or worse. It's 65% agreeing and 35% disagreeing. Remember the D word is nasty, don't ever toss that out at each other in times of anger.

I've been living this married life for a little over 3 years. It's not perfect because nothing in this world is perfect but it is pretty awesome. I had pre marriage rules set up before I ever met my husband. First of all no marrying somebody you considered a best friend. I tell my best friend when I'm on my period and other very girly things that men know nothing about. Things that could gross out a guy you want to be intimate with. My second biggest was no guys with kids because I didn't want baby mama drama. Of course look at what I ended up getting into. He has two kids with his x and now their custody has been set up finally. When I met him he was still in the divorce process. We have had our ups and downs most of the downs have always had something to do with his past. But we keep moving forward remembering that we are married, love each other way too much, hace a hard time being apart, share a beautiful 3 year old daughter and actually do want to grow old together. Personally I'm pretty sure he will rock a hearing aid, be even more blinder then he already is, will for sure use a walker or cane. I'm hoping cane though lol. Will drive me absolutely insane because he will probably get lost a lot, fall more often then he already does and be so much more stubborn and forgetful then he already is. But that's ok because I can picture the old him in my mind. If you can't picture yourself and your partner old then you many want to search a little more. In the 2 other long term relationships I had been in I could never picture the older them.

I do believe sometimes marriage isn't for everybody. For along time I thought maybe it wasn't for me. Especially after I felt so let down by what I had been through when I was younger. I'm thankful I have my husband and that he's around to make me laugh cheer me up, drive me nuts and kiss me. I read on yahoo once that if you ever become so upset with your spouse to write their eulogy and that if it tears you up and makes you realize how much pain losing them would bring then you know you still love them. You must always remember a relationship is work, lots and lots of hard work that you both must do and keep it up because if only one works at it and the other doesn't then your wasting your time. You gotta suck up your pride sometimes when you are wrong. Of course you must compromise almost all the time and don't go to bed mad at each other. Remember none of that you sleep on the couch bullshit. If you know what ticks of your spouse don't do it. Be honest, if you spent 5 bucks admit it because the bank and receipts tell no lies. Always do your best to keep your spouse and yourself happy. Talk it out don't fight it out. Help each other always.

Number 5 off my to do list. The BFF's

Who said you can only have 1 bff? I have more then one. I have 2. And no one isnt my husband. Why does everyone say you have to marry your best friend? I think that is completely incorrect. I love my till death do us part man but its not the same relationship i have with my bffs. These 2 are freaking awesome! No I'm not sayin my hub isn't but it's just a different relationship friendship. I wanna cuddle and grow old with the hub. I wanna grow old and have my bffs around but I don't wanna cuddle with them. Haha! Anyways enough of that. Back to the bff's , Judy and Norma. Girls I love you more then you will ever know. Even though I'm 4 hours away I miss you both everyday.


When I was in second grade at Liggett elem I had a friend named Elizabeth, she introduced me to a girl named Judy. We didn't really hit it off at first. But then once we discovered that our moms went to the same church group every Tuesday we became friends. We would hang out together in the church outside lunch area while our moms prayed inside at the church group. Some weeks she wouldn't go and I remember being so bummed and bored without her. Years went by and once it came time for me to pick a middle school to go to I picked Holmes in Northridge because that's where Judy went. I didn't know anybody else but Judy my first day there since all my friends from the elementary school I went in Sylmar (I left Liggett in 3rd grade) went to other middle schools. I remember being so sad when I got stuck in all honors classes and found out I had not one single class with Judy. I went to the school counselor and lied and said that honors was way to hard and had them transfer me so I could have a chance of having a class with Judy. I think that semester we ended up with computer class and p.e together. Middle school was a trip together for sure. I was more a KROQ girl and Judy was more a Power 106 girl. The first time I ditched school was with Judy...shhhh don't tell my mom. Ditching was one thing she never caught me doing no need to tell her now..lol. We would spend hours on the phone together, anyone remember 3 way calling? When we would go to church retreats we always had a blast. Remember when we got lost in Whitter? Good times. Our times at the church fair were always fun. The sleep overs we had were the best. We should have a sleep over soon by the way. You down? High school had it's good times too. We had English class together and there was never a boring day. I miss all our talks and all the good laughs and scares we ever had. I'm sorry for the time me and April made you sit in the middle of the truck. Lol. I miss her all the time especially now that we have kids i wish we lived close to each other so they could all be friends. By the near end of 10th grade we parted ways. I decided to take independent studies since my dad had moved to Vegas first I figured it was best so my mom wouldn't have to worry about dropping me off to school everyday. Plus I had also heard that doing independent studies was faster and it was I finished a semester by April instead of June. Sometimes I think we would both just love to have one more day of high school or Middle school together.


When I was 14 I started dating the father of my son. He came from a big family that was different then my lil family. One of his sisters Norma became my best friend. It wasn't right away. But as I started coming around more we became closer. While I took independent studies I had a lot of free time which I spent with Norma. I would go over and go to the cemetery with her to visit her mom and just talk about life and have lunch. Now on the most stressful days I just wanna drive to the cemetery and meet her there. Once I became pregnant with my son she was there for me all the time. Being that I couldn't drive and my parents had moved to Vegas by then she would take me to my Doc appts when her brother couldn't. She would take me to school too. When ever I had craving and her insensitive brother didn't care much she would make sure I had it. She makes the best ceviche ever. I learned a lot of things from her. She is like a big sister to me. We tell each other everything. Her coffee is way better then any starbucks coffee. Plus good conversation doesn't come with starbucks coffee. She taught me lots of things on how to be good mother. I'll never be as good as her but I try. Even after I spilt from her brother she never judged me or treated me bad. She's been wonderful with my daughter Mia who isn't her blood niece but will grow up calling her Tia Norma and she been excepting of my nerdy clumsy husband. I wish she lived down the hall like she use to when I was pregnant with Bryan. She gave me the courage to have Bryan with out a epideral. Lol ouch. She called me today and I wish I could have been there for her to give her a big huge hug because she needed it.


To my 2 bff's I would love for both of you to please move to Vegas. Please!

Not when you talk shit..

Truth is that I'm married to a big Shit talker...omg the man talks shit all the time! 95% of the time it's funny. The other 5% of the time it pisses me off and I stop loving him for that moment.. Ok no I don't stop loving him but sometimes his shit talking comes at the most inappropriate times. Other times he's not discrete about it and people hear him. Maybe he hasn't stopped because he's never gotten a ass beating for it? I have no idea. But I know on a few occasions people have heard him running his big mouth.

Behind this shit talker there is a man who deep down inside has a big heart to go with his big mouth. He has a loving and sensitive side that not many people see. Its a cute cuddly side. I know when to call him out on his " fuck it, I don't care attitude. " He's blurter who blurts out things he doesn't mean most of the time. This I know comes from his dysfunctional up bringing. I am a firm believer that his shit talking is a mix of his Marthaness (his mom) and his Rosaness (his fathers last name is Rosas). His parents speak their minds sometimes way too much. Only my father speaks his mind my mom is quiet. I have learned to understand his dorky shit talking ways. He makes me laugh. He is my "til death do us part" or till his Alzheimer's kicks in and I have to put him in a home (inside joke between us). My Rosas, I love you more then you will ever know. Thank you for all the laughs your shit talking ways have brought me. You are my yummybutt.

I'll take Amor for a hundred please...

What can you really say about it? Amor is love. Amor is amazing and tragic at times. It's give and take. If you love it let it go right? Amor comes with heartbreak or sometimes it can come with passion. Do you have amor for everyone? Sometimes people don't even have amor for themselves. You can quickly lose amor for someone from one day to another. Does amor really come from our hearts? I mean the human heart organ is rather ugly don't you think? People have had amor turn into hate, like they say "love is hate" probably one of my most favorite sayings. In our mind we each have our own idea of what amor really is. It brings pain and joy. Amor is something we all need.